Music festivals like Glastonbury and Reading are so popular these days they sell out in a matter of minutes. But that shouldn’t stop you from holding your own festival at home. First build a small stage in your garden using a few wooden pallets or milk crates. Hang a nice floral backdrop for that proper hippy feel.

Build a small bonfire a safe distance from the stage then put down some old blankets and cushions for your guests to lounge around on.

For authenticity, heavily water the ground to build up some proper festival mud, then dig an open pit latrine. For real authenticity dig the latrine a week in advance and let the smell really build up.

There are two options for that authentic festival feel – hippy or crusty. Go for floaty dresses, hotpants, wigs, beads, flares, loon pants, flowers, straw hats and plenty of facial hair. Or big boots, matted hair and lots of military green. For a proper festival fug you’ll need to wear your outfit for a good week or so, and sleep in it as well if possible.

Buy some henna and give each other temporary tattoos – just remember that they take a few days to fade, so avoid tattooing your face and don’t draw anything too offensive or you’ll regret it on Monday.

If anybody turns up in a jester’s hat, use it to get the fire lit.

Arrange for people to bring as many musical instruments as they can lay their hands on – guitars, drums, recorders, harmonicas, anything. The more talented among them need to then take it in turns to belt out some sing-along, sun-shiny pop classics. The less gifted can bang saucepans, shake tambourines and patter on bongos.

Between raucous live performances, stick your hi-fi speakers out of the window and have an al fresco boogie, or bring your TV outside so that you can watch performances from the festival itself. Once it starts getting late, move the party indoors. Not all the neighbours will be feeling the love quite as strongly as you are.

If anyone tries any juggling, remind them what happened to the jester’s hat.

Festival food should be quick, easy and fun and served on paper plates. Barbecue some burgers or throw together some spicy veggie noodles:

A bunch of spring onions, chopped
2 red peppers, finely sliced
2 large carrots, grated
2 big red chillis, chopped
A bag of bean sprouts
750g fine noodles

Stir-fry the veg. Boil the noodles in plenty of water before adding them to the wok. Cover in lashings of soy sauce.

To really capture that festival vibe, you should charge your guests an extortionate amount of money for the food and then horribly undercook the meat.

Big two-litre bottles of very cheap cider, lager and bitter are the proper Glastonbury beverages, but the sophisticates might favour some chilled white wine. Store the drinks in a big barrel filled with icy water, or, for the sake of authenticity, drink it unpleasantly warm. For a non-alcoholic option, get some refreshing ginger beer or make a fruity smoothy– both good hippy drinks. Nothing with wheatgrass though or you’ll live to regret it.

1.	Crosstown Traffic / Jimi Hendrix
2.	Won’t Get Fooled Again / The Who
3.	Mr. Tambourine Man / Bob Dylan
4.	Common People / Pulp
5.	Fake Plastic Trees / Radiohead
6.	Born Slippy / Underworld
7.	Little Fluffy Clouds / The Orb
8.	Where’s Your Head At? / Basement Jaxx
9.	The Scientist / Coldplay
10.	Comfortably Numb / Scissor Sisters

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