Traditionally it falls to the best man to organise the groom’s stag party. So where to have it? You could always have it at home. But why would you want to? Imagine the state of your carpets.

Take the groom and his mates away to one of Britain's party towns. Pick a place where nobody knows you — that way no witnesses can come forward to spill the beans. Newcastle, Swansea, Blackpool, Newquay, Edinburgh or Brighton are safe options. You can get there by train, but if you want to start the party en route, hire a minibus.

When choosing accommodation at either hotel or bed and breakfast, it's essential to book well ahead. Remember that some places are happy to put up large groups of drunk blokes while others may refuse point blank to take you, so shop around.

Clothing needs to be suited to whatever activities are planned. You don't want the group to be wearing sharp designer suits if they are about to attempt skydiving.

In the evening, you will doubtless be hitting many a flesh pot in the search of fun. That's where the smart clothes may be required. You might decide on a theme. Get your group to wear matching dark suits, white shirts and black ties and then hit town a la Reservoir Dogs. And you would definitely catch the eye dressed outrageously as superheroes.

Please note that it's an essential requirement for the groom to look far more ridiculous than anyone else. If in doubt, a full-length chicken costume is guaranteed to make him centre of attention anywhere he goes.

A stag party is designed to bring out your primal male instincts. Try some daytime adrenaline sports to work up a thirst — go-karting, white water rafting, potholing, waterskiing or quad biking to name just a few.

For the consummate gambler, the order of the day might be a flutter at either the horses or the dog track.

And then to the evening, but first a note of caution: Remember that the bride will not be best pleased if the groom comes home without his hair and eyebrows. Neither will she be ecstatic if he’s locked up at Her Majesty's pleasure. So keep the humiliation on the gentle side, and don’t spike his drinks.

The evening should kick off with a pub crawl and continue with maybe a comedy club, casino or lap. And perhaps finish the night’s proceedings by throwing some moves in a top nightclub before making sure the groom ends up back in his own bed.

Food tends to get forgotten during stag dos. This is a mistake. The day should always begin with a filthy, greasy breakfast to give everybody the required sea legs for the rest of the mission. This should be immediately followed by a pint and a chaser.

Lunch need be no more than a bag of crisps. The evening must start with a curry. Remember that high spirits are OK, but popadoms are not intended for use as Frisbees. On the way home, the kebab house remains the best option for that final burst of chilli.

As a wise man once said, 'It's a marathon, not a sprint.' Frothy pints of bitter lager and cider should form the main staple. Later in the evening it may be necessary to turn to the reviving qualities of the TVR — a shot of tequila, mixed with a double shot of vodka, to which is added half a can of Red Bull and plenty of ice. This happy marriage of alcohol and caffeine is guaranteed to wake the dead. Non-alcoholic drinks such as Lucozade are only acceptable in the case of an emergency.

1.	Oasis / Cigarettes & Alcohol
2.	Thin Lizzy / The Boys Are Back in Town
3.	Madness / One Step Beyond
4.	The Specials / Too Much Too Young
5.	The Stone Roses / I Am the Resurrection
6.	Arctic Monkeys / I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
7.	The Chemical Brothers / Leave Home
8.	Tony Christie / (Is This the Way to) Amarillo?
9.	Run DMC featuring Aerosmith / Walk This Way
10.	The Kingsmen / Louie Louie

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